Wednesday, 4 September 2013

Australia - by the Aussies

The questions below about Australia are from potential overseas visitors. They were posted on
an Australian Tourism Web site and the answers are the actual responses by the web site
officials, who obviously have a sense of humour.

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants
grow? (UK).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks?(Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand kilometres through inhospitable desert - take lots of water.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in
Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
A: Would you like your list freighted to you, or can we use it to wallpaper the crapper?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia?(USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in
the middle of the Pacific which does not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday
night in Kings Cross. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest
of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers and lick the plates like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the
Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races.
Come naked.

Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?

Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are
perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear
and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum trees and eat the
brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with
human urine before you go out walking.


Son, two grandsons, son's partner and her daughter enjoying a meal out when they stayed at our French retreat a month ago.  This is one of our favourite restaurants as well.

1 comment:

Buck said...

Gotta love them Aussies! That's a damned good list; I wish our gub'mint officials hadn't had their sense o' humo(u)r surgically removed.