Here we go again

Those health warnings seem to come along more frequently (and more regularly) than our local bus service. There have been no fewer than three in the past few days. (I'm referring to health warnings, although as far as I know there might have been three buses as well. I did see one yesterday. I also saw a real policeman three weeks ago - on foot!)

Anyway, those health warnings. One came from some university or research department from somewhere across the pond and warned of dangerous fungus found growing on the rubber seals of dishwashers. There are three things that occur to me in this connection.

1. Those dishwashers were probably being run on the eco-friendly programme that runs for 30 minutes at 30 degrees. Push up to the old-fashioned full programme at 60 and the fungus will probably disappear. It's the relatively low temperature that is breeding it.
2. You eat a peck of dirt before you die. Just what a peck of dirt looks like or what its dimensions might be, I have no idea. But I bet the amounts of fungus found in those dishwashers were miniscule and would need at least 329 years to build up enough power to kill more than an ant.
3. I'm not going to stop using the dishwasher - in any case, the tea towel is probably dirtier!

Then there was a report from the Royal Institute of Psychobabblers or some equally horrible honourable group which warned that the elderly are the age group most prone to drug and alcohol abuse and recommending that everybody over the age of 65 should be screened regularly by their doctors. Excuse me? I know a lot of people who might be considered senior citizens by virtue of their age. In other words, like me they are getting on a bit. Or have already got on quite a lot. Oh, stop beating about the bush, Slater! Admit it - we're old. But - and here's the rub - none of those I know who are 65+ drink to excess or misuse drugs. We know that we can't take drink quite the way we used to and moderate our consumption accordingly. It gets so tiring having to keep going to the toilet to pump ship. And as for drugs, the only ones we take are prescribed by our doctors. Granted, we might get a little hazy about how many of those pink tablets we've taken today so perhaps better take another to be on the safe side...

Which brings me nicely to the third health scare. This one also concerns principally the more elderly segment of the population. It seems that certain combinations of common drugs - some available only on prescription from the doctor, some available easily enough at the chemist and some freely obtainable over the counter at any corner shop - can increase the chance of dying within the next two years by up to quite a lot. Oh bugger it. I can't be bothered to type any more. This is how the Daily Telegraph reported it:

Well-known brands of hay fever tablets, painkillers and sleeping pills pose a previously unknown threat to people’s health when taken together, British scientists claim.

Many are available over the counter at pharmacies as well as being prescribed by GPs, nurses and chemists.

Today the scientists behind the study call for doctors to recognise how dangerous these drug combinations can be and to prescribe harmless alternatives instead.

Researchers from the University of East Anglia and the University of Kent identified 80 widely used medications that, when used in combination, were found to increase the risk of serious health problems.

The drugs, including common allergy treatments Piriton and Zantac, as well as Seroxat, an anti-depressant, are thought to be used by half of the 10  million over-65s in Britain. Many of the drugs, when taken in combination, were found to more than treble an elderly patient’s chance of dying within two years.

What was it I said the other day? "Those whom the gods wish to destroy they first make mad."

Now, will you open another bottle, Paddy? And remind me, what was it you said those little purple thingies would do for me?