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We had bought new mattresses for our French house.  They had been brought to me at the store's collection point by a human gorilla who stood and watched as I loaded them onto the roof of my car.   I heaved the first of them onto the roof. This was the double mattress, which I had decided should be first as I thought it would be easier to put the lighter mattresses on top. I struggled slightly getting the first of the singles on top, but managed it in the end. It was rather too far to one side and I pushed it towards the centre.

It was a pity I didn’t allow for the fact that all the mattresses were packed in slippery, polythene covers. I must have pushed a little too hard and the mattress shot off the other side, knocking Mrs S to the ground in the process. I happened to glance towards the collection point, hoping that the human gorilla was not there to witness my clumsiness, but of course he was grinning hugely. Which was more than Mrs S was doing.

I tried again, this time pushing more gently.

The last mattress was, not surprisingly, even more of a struggle to lift onto the top, but between us we managed it without any further incidents.

Having been a Boy Scout in my youth, I had learned how to tie a number of knots, several of which I could still remember.  The bowlines, clove hitches, sheepshanks and round-turns with two half hitches that I used to tie down the mattresses would have earned praise from Lord Baden-Powell himself, so securely had I fastened the load.  I was proud of those knots, but I had to undo them again. I had pulled down so hard on the rope that the double mattress was folded over the sides of the car and we couldn’t open the doors.

By now the gorilla was not just grinning, he was slapping his thighs as he laughed out loud.

~~~~~

This house stands opposite the church in Chateaubriant and claims to be one of the oldest in the town.  It is now a creperie but the steps to the door are a bit of a challenge for the Old Bat, who prefers the menu at a competitor anyway.