The greater striped tile cutter

The new tile cutter was quite a machine. It would need to be placed on a workmate and, we guessed, would have to be outside. With a diamond cutting wheel powered by electricity, tiles would need to be placed on the flat surface and pressed two-handed against the rotating wheel, which ran through a water bath to cool it. It looked as though it might be just a bit too messy to use indoors. As it was by then beginning to get dark, we decided to give ourselves the rest of the day off and to start afresh in the morning.

The next day saw us up early, raring to go. We set up the cutter with an extension lead, filled the water bath, and pressed to ‘on' button. The cutting wheel rotated at high speed, throwing out droplets of water in all directions. Leaving Chris to decipher the finer details of the operating instructions, I measured and marked up another tile.

I stood well back while Chris laid the tile on the cutter, switched on the machine, and gingerly pressed the tile against the wheel. Just a little more pressure and the wheel cut through the tile swiftly and cleanly. I burst out laughing as Chris handed me the piece I needed: he had been sprayed by the cutter and now boasted a white stripe from the middle of his forehead, down his nose, over his chin and down his chest.

Chris got no cleaner as the day wore on, and I was laughing too much to lay the tiles straight, but we got the job done.